Cuando sufro no me aburro, cuando sufro vivo intensamente y mi vida es interesante, llena de emociones y peripecias. En verdad, sólo vivo cuando sufro, es mi manera de vivir. Pero algo en mí no quiere sufrir. Alejandra Pizarnik.

7 jun. 2010

Conditional (Why can't you turn and face me?)


And what would happen if I see you tonight? What would I feel? What would you feel? What would happen if I, suddenly, recognize your hair, your smell in the middle of the crowd? Would I stay to give you a proud smile or would I run away, barely breathing? It's you, it's just you. The same person that, once upon a time, knew how to kiss me, how to make intimacy in the middle of an avenue. Just you, with your eyes, and your eyebrows. Your quiet smile. Your skin. And it hurts. All you. It's you, and I can't stay on my feet. This fucking feeling of losing you.
Maybe I just never had you.
You are there. In the middle of the crowd. Lost in the ocean of faces, of clothes and screams and meaningless conversations. You, completly anonymous, in silence like always. You don't have a voice. You don't know how to stand tall in the dark. A doll, just a doll. Like the rest. Your way to agree with your pretty smile (white cold empty teeth). Your way of being always sorry, even when you didn't know why you were sorry. Your lack of passion. Just a doll. A pretty cold doll. A pretty cold mute doll.
Where are your thoughts? Scream, fight, hate. Anything. Just feel. Wake up. Wake up and look at me. I'm here, in the corner of this room. I'm waiting for you to take position. I'm waiting for you to wake up. I don't want to kill something that's already dead. I don't want to hate someone who can't hate me back. I don't want to love someone who can't love me back. Wake up and face me. Stand up and face me.
And what would happen if I see you tonight? How should I feel? How would you feel if I start crying and kicking and screaming at you? How would you feel if I laugh in your face? Would you wake up? Would you notice the mess you made? Would you feel truly sorry? Would you hate me? Would you love me?

Location: Home
Mood: Annoyed
Music: Passive, A perfect circle

No hay comentarios: